Getting everything that I want…

Recently I was talking with a family member about my transition and people's reactions to the news. I have to admit that I was grousing a bit.

I was talking about how it kind of sucked that others seemed to want me to minister to them about their feelings on the subject, while no one seemed to give much of a hoot about my feelings. I went on to say that if I had a heart condition or some serious disease, people would be showing me the sympathy instead of expecting it the other way around.

The comment that came next really floored me. It really showed me just how much people really don't understand transsexualism and the problems associated with it.

This person, who really does care for me and who loves me immensely, said the following:

"Jess, you have to understand… You are getting everything that you want, while your friends and family are losing someone that they love."

Wow…

Is this really what people believe?

There are two things in that statement that I really need to address. The first of which is the assumption that I am somehow getting everything that I want.

Folks, let's be serious for a second. Do you really think for one moment that anyone would willingly choose to cut their dick off? Or to have their face sliced-and-diced in a series of expensive and potentially dangerous operations? What about all of the scorn, derision, and discrimination that TS's are subjected to? Would anyone willingly choose to suffer through this crap? I don't think so.

I sure as hell wouldn't.

And that's the point. I don't believe that anyone would willingly do these things. But we don't have a choice in the matter. We were born this way. Some mixed-up hormonal stew put our brains and bodies in conflict, and we were born messed up.

It's called a birth defect. Same as a cleft palette or a club foot. Except, most intelligent people understand that someone doesn't choose to have a club foot. For some reason, they just don't get that same thing about transsexuals.

Do you know what I want? What I really, Really, REALLY want?

I want to be healthy and happy. I want my wife to have me as her husband, and my kids to have me as their father. I want to be loved, and to love.

But I sure don't want to be society's freak and the punchline to their jokes. If I could have removed this curse long ago, you can damn well bet that I would have done it. In fact, if I could remove this curse today, you can be damn well sure that I would do it. Even after surgery. Even after coming out to people.

This is not what I *want* for my life. This is what I *need* in order to treat the unusual condition that I was born with. And it's no more pleasant than being on dialysis all of your life. Or needing chemo and radiation to fight a cancer.

The second thing that I want to address is this belief that people are somehow losing me.

Well, let me tell you folks, I'm not going anywhere. I'm still the same person with the same morals and values, the same likes and dislikes, and the same strengths and weaknesses. Jessica was always here. She was just frustrated at being locked up inside of a dark cage all of her life. Now she's finally free.

Is the person who finally fixes their club foot any different than the person they were before? No, except for the fact that now they can walk with the rest of us. You wouldn't wish that they were denied their treatment just so they could fit your previous image of them? My situation is no different.

In closing I would ask you just one thing. Instead of mourning that the external cage that you were familiar with is now opened, would you please, please consider celebrating my freedom and emancipation?

I would love you to celebrate with me.

-Jess