One Week More…

Sharon has been away for the last week and a half. She has been visiting family back home in the States while awaiting the birth of our newest nephew.

I encouraged her to go.

We've both been under a huge amount of stress since long before my transition, and there has definitely been no easing of that condition in the months following my emergence as Jessica. In fact, as I'm sure you can guess, things have gotten a bit more difficult since my coming out last March.

I experience stress by becoming depressed and pretty needy. I'm saddened to admit it, but I recognized that I was taking far more from our relationship than I was giving back. And in light of the fantastic gifts that Sharon has given me, I wanted to rectify that situation as quickly as possible.

Sometimes when you find yourself in a rut, the best thing you can do is to simply change your routine. It was for this reason that I encouraged her to take this little holiday back home. We both needed to break the routine that we had found ourselves in.

At first, she was very hesitant to go. I kept encouraging her, telling her all the while that it would do her good to enjoy a couple of weeks of peace and relaxation. I knew that it would be best for the both of us in the long run, plus I recognized just how much she needed the rest. I also knew just how hard it would be for me to be without her for that long.

Finally, she agreed to go. I could instantly tell it was the right decision. Sharon finds strength in knowing that there is a break ahead. It's like she takes joy in counting down the days before a holiday, waiting like a child expecting the arrival of Santa Claus. She brightened. She got stronger.

The day came when she was to fly off to the States. I accompanied her to Gatwick Airport, and kissed her good-bye as she passed the security gates. I then turned and headed back to the train platform and the long ride back to our house.

Each day without her has been an eternity.

In the tradition of my ancestors, I have been doing anything and everything to distract myself from my pain and loneliness. I've drank too much, stayed out far too late, and just generally acted irresponsible since her departure. Well, I'm 40 years old now, and there is only so much of that kind of behavior that I can take. My body is plumb tuckered out! I don't have the energy to distract myself much more…

And I still have a week to go before her return.

And it really, really hurts.

So, constant reader, help me out here. Drop me a note to say 'hi'. If you are in town, call me up and take me out to dinner and a movie. Join me at the pub, the museum, the river, where ever… help me stay distracted just a little bit longer.

Just one week more…


-Jess