The Rock

Sharon and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary at the end of last December. We were back home in Indiana for the Christmas holidays, and on the night of the big event we gathered a bunch of our good friends and family and headed to the local Cajun place in Lafayette.

The evening was filled with good food and drink, and great conversation all around. But the hit of the whole night was when Sharon gave me my anniversary present.

There, in front of all the world, Sharon handed me a small jewelry box. I must have had a little premonition, because my heart started to race in my chest.

"Go ahead, silly, open it!", she urged me on.

I opened the box, and nestled there inside was the most beautiful engagement ring that a woman could ever hope for! It was magnificent! Under the lights of the restaurant it glittered bright enough to blind everyone at the table! As I removed it from the box and placed it on my finger, the table erupted into a collection of "oohs" and "ahhs".

I'm sure my face was beaming!

Now, any woman would be pleased to receive such a fantastic gift, but for me that ring held even more splendor than normally expected. You see, because of the fact that I transitioned so late in life there will always be a huge number of events that I will never get to experience as a woman. I know what it means to be a parent, but I'll never know the feeling of carrying my child in my womb. I'll never be escorted to my senior prom or down the aisle for my wedding. And I thought that I would never receive an engagement ring from the one I love.

It might seem a small matter to someone not in my shoes. It is not a small matter to me. From the first days after my surgeries, I would look down on my left hand and see the empty space beside my wedding band. That space seemed to symbolize all of my lost experiences as a woman.

Now this is a bit of a difficult subject. I would never sacrifice the many gifts and blessings that I have received having been born a man. My children, the gift of my relationship with Sharon, many of the wild and crazy things I've done, these things simply wouldn't exist had I been born with the physical attributes of a woman. Or, they wouldn't exist in the form that they now hold.

Even though I am unwilling to sacrifice these things, I still long for the experiences that I lost by not being born a woman. What I want is a paradox. There is no solution to this problem. There is only acceptance of a difficult situation.

Hey, if you find this confusing to think about, just imagine what it's like living it!

On that cold December night, Sharon, the most wonderful woman in the world, gave me one of those experiences that I had given up hope on. She is truly the most fantastic spouse a person could ever dream of!

Thank you, Bear… I will always love you.

-Jess