Gender Trust Magazine, Summer 2006
During all the media craziness, Michelle Bridgman of the Gender Trust asked Sharon and I if she could do an interview with the two of us about our relationship. We agreed because we thought it would be a good idea to tell folks a little more about what makes us tick as a couple.
You can find the full text of this interview below. Additionally, if you would like to see a scanned file of the cover and the full article, you can download PDF versions of each here and here. Please note that these files are large and far too big to download if you are using a dial-up connection.
This story © Copyright 2006 by Michelle Bridgman for the Gender Trust Magazine.
The Big Interview
GT News speaks with Jessica and Sharon Bussert
Jessica & Sharon Bussert appeared in just about every Newspaper in Britain a few weeks ago. Jess's case against Hitachi was well documented but GT wanted to meet the couple behind the story
GT: I’m just really interested in knowing a bit about you the couple. How did you two meet?
Sharon: We were both living in the same town. I had just finished university and had found a job in town. Josh was still at university. The night before we received quite a big snowstorm. Having just gotten a new car that I was still unfamiliar with, I decided to get the bus to work instead. I had never ridden the bus before, and I had lived there for four years! About two minutes after I showed up at the little plastic bus house, Josh came walking up and said the stupidest thing, “Excuse me, but does the bus stop here?” Now, remember, I was standing in the little plastic bus stop house at the time!
Jess: It was the best pick-up line I could come up with at the time…
Sharon: Not such a smart a chat-up line! I was totally unimpressed.
J: Yeah, but luckily my rebound skills were good. We spent the next 45 minutes waiting on the bus, and I used that time to try and redeem myself. I guess I did so successfully because we’ve been together 18 years.
GT: When was it that your gender identity became an issue in the household?
J: I was fairly honest with Sharon from the beginning. That said, I didn’t understand my condition very well myself, nor did I understand my feelings. I knew that inside I felt like a woman, but growing up in Indiana I had no exposure to the concept of being transsexual. My only exposure to gender variance was the stupid parodies found in movies. You know, men in dresses who were obviously the comic relief. It was a very confusing time. I knew that I wasn't homosexual because I was attracted to women. But I also knew that I wasn’t male in the standard sense of the word.
GT: How old were you when you met?
S: I think we were 22 when we met and 25 when we married.
GT: Sharon, when were you first aware of Jess's feelings?
S: Jess was really honest with me. She said that she didn't feel like a normal man but at that time dressing was pretty much the beginning and the end of it. I accepted her.
GT: Did you think it was a form of transvestism of some kind?
S: I actually have to say that at the time I didn’t really know what transvestism was. I grew up in a small town and the only exposure I had of this kind of thing was guys running around in frocks in movies and on the telly.
J: I didn't really understand what was going on inside my head either. To try and figure things out, Sharon and I once attended a support group for cross-dressers that held meetings about an hour and a half from where we lived.
GT: And did that help?
J: No, it did not.
S: That really confused me at the time. As we drove home that evening, Jess just kept saying that she "wasn't like those people. They seem to think that it's all about the clothes". She couldn’t voice to me why she couldn’t relate with those people.
GT: Were you worried about telling her the truth or were you just not aware of it yourself?
J: I just didn't understand myself. I knew that it meant something more than just dressing up, but I couldn't put words to my feelings.
S: I didn't understand either. At the time all we ever talked about were the clothes.
GT: So, Jess, when was it that you began to understand your feelings better?
J: It was around 2003. I’d been through years and years of counselling, always trying to find someone who could figure out what was going on in my head. Finally, I met with a therapist who seemed to understand what I was experiencing. She was the one who finally suggested that I see a gender specialist. Based upon her referral, I started seeing the director of the Kinsey Institute, and it was there that I was finally diagnosed as gender dysphoric.
GT: So, how old were you when you reached this clearer understanding?
S: It was about three years ago. We both about 37, and at the time Jess became very distressed by the whole thing.
GT: So you’d known each other for about 15 years then?
S: Yes, for about 15 years. It took that long before we finally found someone who understood the problem.
J: Before that time, I spent a lot of effort trying to overcompensate. Trying to assert my maleness. But it never felt true to who I was inside.
S: I have to say that when we met, Jess gave me no real clues to a gender identity problem, but there definitely was a gentle more feminine side.
GT: Jess, so how old were you when you had children?
J: One of the ways that I tried to assert my maleness was to become sexual at a very young age. I guess I had hoped that doing so might "cure" me and make me want to be a man. As a result, when I was 17 my girlfriend and I conceived the first of my three biological children. She and I later married, conceived the other two, and divorced, all in a span of about four and a half years. Once Sharon and I became a couple, she embraced helping me raise the kids. They have since considered her as their second mother.
S: About 12 years ago we adopted two more children from Port-au-Prince, Haiti. They were both sisters, and they were 9 & 10 years old at the time.
GT: Where you lived, would that be unusual for a white family to have black children or vice versa?
S: It’s not unheard of, but it is very unusual. There are some inter-racial adoptions, but not many.
GT: How have the children with the change of gender?
J: They have been really good and I have a close relationship with all of them.
GT: Sharon, so how did you reach the point where you knew that Jess had to transition?
S: It was very gradual actually. I think she got a grasp of what was going on quite quickly, but for me it was a lot slower. I don’t long for things in life that aren’t possible. At the time, I thought that changing genders was impossible. When Jess was attending counselling, it never occurred to me that she would turn round to me and say, “I want to be a woman”. My thoughts were more like, “OK, now you know what the problem is, the counsellor can sort you out and you can learn to live with it”.
GT: When was it that you realised that he was going to go through with a change of gender?
S: Jess never put me on the spot. She never said to me, “I am going to go through this change no matter what”. As a result, there was never a point where I had to decide, “Do I choose to be with this woman or do I choose to go on with my life”. I never felt like she was giving me an ultimatum. We researched the whole thing together before we made the decision to move forward.
GT: That is a very adult attitude towards it. It never ceases to amaze me, but I am always touched by the love that helps people work so hard to get to grips with the issue.
S: Well I guess if you love somebody enough you face it together
GT: I don't want to talk much about the Hitachi case because I don't want to ask you anything that might jeopardise the outcome, but how do you feel about the way you were treated?
J: Shocked, dismayed, angry, sad. I feel any or all of those things at any given moment. I was with them for 3 years in the US and 2 here. It isn't easy.
GT: So what's next for you two?
S: Well we need income so are both trying to work. I am a writer and hope to get some of my work published in the near future.
J: I'm still looking for work in the IT sector. Unfortunately, there is still an awful lot of transphobic bigotry out there.
GT: While working for Hitachi, did you hold a very senior post?
J: Yes, I did. Replacing that is not an overnight thing.
GT: Well I'm sure our readers will join me in wishing you well for the future. Hopefully we can get an update when you have overcome this particular hurdle. Somehow, I don't doubt that you will.
For further information on Jess and Sharon, please refer to Jess's website at www.bussert.com/jessica
|
