My Transition Photos

Everyone always wants to see my transition photos. It's kind of funny to watch their expressions as they look at where I started a few years ago and then see where I've ended up so far. I get all kinds of reactions including, "That's not you!!!" to "You kinda look like your daughter". That all said, I'm always a little apprehensive about showing these to people. I'm worried that they'll think of me as I was instead of how I am.

The following photos show a period of about two years. They focus primarily on my face because, well, the rest is none of your business! The changes in my face began as I started facial electrolysis (Ouch!) to remove my beard hairs and then progressed further as I started hormones. The medications helped through a process called "fat migration" wherein my body fat was redistributed to different areas around my body. I'll tell you what, I could make a *lot* of money if I could figure out a way to make the fat migrate to Siberia instead!

Of course, the biggest change came when I underwent facial feminization surgery (FFS) in March of 2005. It was then that Dr. Ousterhout spent over 10 hours giving me the works! In that time he managed to advance my hairline, remove my "cave man" brow, sculpt my nose, reduce my upper lip, reshape my chin and jaw, and remove my Adam's apple. You can judge for yourself, but personally I think he did a fantastic job.

So on that note, let's get started with the photos!

This is a photo of Josh taken way back at the end of 2003. Sharon and I were at our cabin down in Nashville, Indiana, at the time that this photo was shot. I can't recall what the purpose of this photo was originally, but it serves well to document how I looked way back when.

As you can see from the image, at the time I had quite the receding hairline! Or for those of you who like to think positively, I had a progressive forehead! You can clearly see my rather prominent brow and my very squared jaw and chin. Look a little lower and you'll see my Adam's apple which kind of looks like a chicken bone lodged in my throat! Lastly, take a look at my five o'clock shadow! Back then, I could grow a full beard in about three days!













Next is an image of Josh taken on the 4th of July, 2004. Sharon and I had already moved to London by this time and I was getting electrolysis to remove my beard.

I had first tried to use laser hair removal, but my face would break out in a horrible acne that would last for a month! By the time my face started to clear, I would be due for another laser treatment and the cycle would start all over again! That said, even the electrolysis left me sore and red for days on end... I just want to take a moment to mention that facial hair removal is the *most* painful experience that I have *ever* willingly undergone. It is said among other transitioning girls that electrolysis is what separates the boys from the women!

This is a picture of Jess in London before any surgery. It was taken at around the end of 2004. My personal make-up skills were pretty inferior at the time and I was forced to wear a small hairpiece to cover my recession. To help with my make-up skills, I attended a half-day training session with a professional make-up artist. This photo was taken after the class was finished.

Unlike a lot of other people in my situation, I never really liked "dressing-up" to go out in public before I began living full-time as Jessica. It just never felt genuine to me... more like wearing a costume that I wished was reality but I was afraid would never be. I later learned that I was in good company; Christine Jorgensen, the first really prominent transsexual, never wore women's clothes until the day she transitioned.










Josh with the wild hair! With a look like this we knew that drastic measures were needed! Actually, this photo was taken in San Francisco just a few days before my FFS. We were having a lovely day at the park, and the wind was having a lovely day with my hair!










Jess, waiting to see the doctor in San Francisco. In this photo I am still relying on the hairpiece and dreaming of the day when I'll look more feminine.

As you can see from this image, my appearance is really not all that good. I think that my chin and jaw stuck out like a boxer who had been KO'ed one too many times. The hairpiece did a minimal job of covering my huge brow, and my Adam's apple bounced up and down like a basketball every time I swallowed!

Oh yeah, there was also the small matter that my, err, umm, boobs were, err, umm, small matters! Luckily for me, Dr. Ousterhout was skilled in more areas than just facial work!

This photo brings to mind a rather surreal experience that I had about a month before my surgeries. I (as Josh) was sitting in my Mom's house visiting with family. There in the living room, Mom, my brother Seth, my sister Kelly, Sharon, and I all had a rather strange discussion on the merits and detractions of "D" cups. In the middle of the conversation Seth proclaimed that he didn't want his brother to have bigger breasts than his wife! Talk about freaky!



Jess in the recovery room following FFS... For strong stomachs only! This is so gross! Here I am, just after surgery. Sharon earned about a lifetime of brownie points for sitting in the hospital with this mug for 2 days. In actuality, she didn’t look at it much, but still…

In this picture you can see the full extent of the ravages from the surgeon's knife. Skip down to the next photo if you want to miss most of the gory details!

Ok, my head is wrapped up like an extra in a low-budget mummy movie. Underneath the bandages, my face is a black-and-blue mess! The first thing the doctor did was to remove a large portion of my advancing forehead. After pulling that portion down, he cut away the bone from my large brow revealing a third sinus in the process. He next carved the extracted bone into the proper shape to fit *within* the sinus, thus closing that cavity and reducing my brow. He then pulled my hairline forward and sutured closed the skin of my forehead, thus advancing my hairline.

After finishing with my brow and hair, the doctor worked on my nose. Many people have wondered why I had a nose job when my previous nose was pretty nice. The answer is simple. My old nose was attached to a brow that stuck out 11 millimeters more than my new brow! That would have looked pretty funny had he left it in place! In addition to the cosmetic benefits of the nose job, I also got some medical benefits. Previously, I had suffered from a deviated septum, which caused me no end of sinus infections. During this stage of the operation, the doc went ahead and fixed this up at no extra charge! What a pal! While working with the nose, the doctor shortened the length of my upper lip in order to give it a little more of a feminine appearance.

Next came the jaw and chin. What amazes me the most is the fact that I have *no* visible scars from this massive procedure! This is due to the fact that the doctor did all of this work from within my mouth! I can't imagine what I looked like during this stage of the operation. I don't know how he did it all, but when finished, my boxer's jaw was shaped more like a ballerina's! Albeit, a very swollen and battered ballerina, but hey, gimme a break!

Finally, the doctor performed a tracheal shave wherein he removed my Adam's apple. Unlike many other surgeons who place the incision directly over the trachea, Dr. Ousterhout positions the incision under the chin and does his work from there. The benefit of this is that it very effectively hides any resultant scarring. That said, any scarring is minimal and should fade with time anyway.

Oh yeah, those funky things hanging down by my ears? Don't ask... you really don't want to know!

Jess two days after surgery, just before leaving hospital. This is just after the doctor removed the head cast and drains and revealed my face for what it was... fat, swollen, and bruised!

As my forehead sutures and staples weren't removed for about another week, I ended up walking around San Francisco looking somewhat like Frankenstein's Monster during that period!

















Jessica aka "Fat Face" Bussert recovering in the Cocoon House following my release from the hospital. Hmmm… it sure is hard to see why I went through so much to gain a face like this!

All kidding aside, you can see that a great deal of my bruising was already going down. The doctor was quite impressed by the speed of my recovery. Personally, I attribute it to my healthy lifestyle, avoidance of sin and temptation, and daily doses of reading the Good Book.

Sharon? Sharon! Are you ok? Honey??? Oh My! Sharon seems to have fainted after that huge laughing fit! I wonder what set her off?












Just one week after surgery and all the bandages and external sutures are gone! At this point I'm really swollen and not looking too great. In spite of this a new friend from San Francisco invited Sharon and I to her home for dinner. We made our best effort and this is all the further we got! Sheesh!

Even though the bandages had been removed at this point, my face was still pretty messed up. The most annoying thing to me during this time was the ever-present numbness around my scalp, jaw, nose, and mouth. As a result of the numbness, I couldn't properly smile and I would occasionally drool down my chin. Gosh, how lady-like!













Back in London we began to experiment on my hair and makeup. Some days were better than others. This particular look didn’t quite work!

A word of caution to the rest of you... little rolled up tubes of aluminium foil do not make the best curlers! Well, that is unless you want to look like a 1970's version of Diana Ross!

Sharon took this photo about three weeks after surgery. The swelling from major FFS really doesn't significantly start to go down for at least a month or two, with some swelling remaining for as much as six months to a year!

This point was exceedingly difficult for me from an emotional standpoint. I had gone through all of the discomfort, stress, and expense of massive facial surgery only to look like this! I was very depressed, and I was starting to lose hope in ever looking decent. Well, some very special people heard my pain and came to my emotional rescue (sorry Mick).






After learning that I was so blue, a few friends of mine decided to take some rather direct steps to help get me right-minded once again. They treated me to a wonderful, fantastic, smashing, fabulous day of pampering that included a complete and total glamour makeover! WOOHOO!

Now I need to tell you, I'm really not much for the whole glamour thing. That said, it was exactly the right thing to help me feel good again! I had started to lose hope, but the makeover really made me feel that it was *really* possible for me to look pretty... heck, even sexy!

During the session we took a number of photographs of the work in progress. This photo is one of those. I'm almost there...

Did you know that the word "glamour" originally meant when one person would cast a spell on another. I'm not sure, but I think that Pandora, the make-up artist, must have cast a spell on me! She sure managed to turn this ugly duckling into a beautiful swan! As she finished up with my hair and make-up, one of her assistants came into the room with a collection of outfits to try on. I was a little skeptical about the one that they picked out for me. To be honest, I felt that it revealed just a little too much.

Well, after seeing the resulting photos I have since changed my tune... I think that that little gold dress revealed just the *right* amount! Take a look below and decide for yourself if you think my little venture over-the-top was a bit much or not. I'd love to hear what you decided!



So there you have it! This photo was taken only five weeks out of surgery! Please understand, I'm still quite swollen around the jaw and chin. I only look so good here because Pandora opened her little box of tricks and worked a whole lot of magic on me! Personally, I have not been able to match her skill with the greasepaint so far, but each day I get a little bit better at the illusion of looking good. When you finally get to see me in person, please don't expect me to look like this. Also, I had to give the dress back :( and Sharon won't let me buy another one... She says I'll catch a chest cold or something!

Well, that's all so far. I'll try to add additional photos in another album in the coming months. If you liked the photos or if you have any questions, please drop me an e-mail. I'd love to hear what you think!